Trauma doesn’t stay with one person; it shows up in relationships. Old wounds can turn small disagreements into painful standoffs, make closeness feel risky, or leave partners stuck in the same argument again and again. Couples trauma work helps both of you understand what’s happening underneath the conflict, so you can respond to each other with more compassion and rebuild trust and intimacy.

Is couples trauma work right for you?

Couples often reach out when:

• One or both partners have a trauma history that affects the relationship
• The same conflicts keep repeating, and neither partner feels heard
• Trust has been broken, including after an affair or betrayal
• Emotional or physical intimacy has faded
• A shared crisis (loss, illness, migration, a child’s struggles) has pulled you apart
• One partner is in individual trauma therapy and you want to heal together

Couples therapy is not appropriate when there is ongoing violence, threats or coercive control. In those situations, Dr. Hourmanesh will recommend individual support and safety resources instead.

What to expect

1. Assessment. Each partner’s concerns, trauma history, attachment patterns and readiness for joint work, usually including one individual session each before the couple sessions start.
2. Safety and goals. Emotional and physical safety, boundaries and shared goals.
3. Mapping your cycle. Identifying the recurring pattern that pulls you into conflict or distance.
4. Unblending. Each partner learns to notice reactive “parts” (anger, withdrawal, criticism) without being taken over by them.
5. Self-led communication. Practicing reflective listening, speaking for your parts rather than from them, and co-regulating.
6. Witnessing. Each partner learns to hear the other’s vulnerable experience without blame.
7. Healing attachment wounds. Working through deeper hurts at a manageable pace, with individual sessions or referrals when helpful.
8. Repair. Accountability, repair, and new ways of interacting that rebuild trust and intimacy.
9. Integration. Consolidating new patterns and planning for triggers and setbacks.

Sessions are 55 minutes as well as intensive 90 min sessions are offered.  (couples session fee = $300/55 min; 90 min session = $450)

Our approach: Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO)

IFIO is a couples therapy model built on Internal Family Systems (IFS). It sees each partner as having protective parts that react to old pain, and a calm, curious core Self that can lead. Instead of assigning blame, IFIO helps each of you get to know your own protective and vulnerable parts, so you can talk about hard things from a place of connection rather than reactivity.

Why work with Dr. Hourmanesh

Dr. Hourmanesh is a Level 3 IFS Therapist, trained in IFIO, and a trauma specialist certified in EMDR and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy. That trauma expertise matters in couples work, where one partner’s history can shape the whole relationship (→ About).

Frequently asked questions

What if my partner isn’t ready to come? You can start with individual therapy, which often changes the relationship too (→ Individual Trauma Therapy).

Will the therapist take sides? No. The goal is to help both partners feel understood and to change the pattern between you, not to decide who is right.

Can we do couples therapy in Farsi? Yes, in Farsi, English or both.

Do you work with all couples? Yes. All couples are welcome including those who are married, unmarried and LGBTQ+ couples

Find your way back to each other. Request a couples appointment or call (801) 441-8943.